Teens questioning sexuality-How to Support Your Child Who Is Questioning Their Sexual Orientation - Everyday Feminism

This post was contributed by a community member. The views expressed here are the author's own. This weekend we celebrate the fifty anniversary of the Stonewall Riots. This movement has been credited with providing people who are not heterosexual with more rights. In a number of ways, this is correct.

Teens questioning sexuality

Part of that involves better understanding of their own sexual feelings and who they are attracted to. I didn't know if everyone had such big lusty feels for their female gym teacher or if it was just me. But while many young folks question their sexual orientations, many of parents are uncomfortable with this process. What if I turn out to be lesbian? Like, I wanted to know who the hell opens the door for who. And while it is not that every family interaction needs to be comfortable, Teens questioning sexuality more parents understand about what it means to question, the better able they will be to support Vintage geography aluminun table games children if this issue comes up.

Stick out boobs. This article discusses how it is Normal for teens to question & we need more support for gay teens

Handbook of crisis counseling, intervention, and prevention in the schools, pp. I am currently dating a 13 year old girl. About Contact Newsletter Terms Privacy. In fact, if it scares you, I think it's probably worth looking at a little more closely. You have a right to Teens questioning sexuality safe at school. Transgender topics. We are here to help. Hidden categories: All articles with dead external links Articles with dead external links from July Articles with permanently dead external links. Questioning and Exploration "Young people, who are still uncertain of Teens questioning sexuality identity, often try on a succession of masks in the hope of finding the one which suits them They may have issues in understanding their sexuality, sexual orientation, gender identityor whether or not they fit into any preconceived social normative labels.

I told her no, absolutely not.

  • This week on the Consults blog, the psychiatrist Dr.
  • Currently, heterosexuality is the most widely accepted form of sexual orientation, and sadly, any sexual orientation or gender pattern that falls outside of what society considers acceptable continues to carry a stigma.
  • When I was in college, I told my family I was dating a girl for the first time.

This post was contributed by a community member. The views expressed here are the author's own. This weekend we celebrate the fifty anniversary of the Stonewall Riots. This movement has been credited with providing people who are not heterosexual with more rights. In a number of ways, this is correct. Homosexual marriage is now legal in our country and there are many laws now protecting people from discrimination they identify as homosexual, transgender or other sexual orientations besides heterosexual.

While there has been progress is it enough? As a psychotherapist who treats adolescents, I would say no. I still have parents who bring their teenager who identifies as homosexual or transgender into therapy. They do not bring the teen in for therapy to help them deal with the social pressures they are encountering at school and other places. No they bring their teen into me so I can fix them. Many parents still consider these feelings to be a teenage phase or that someone convinced their child to think and feel this way.

When I explain to parents there is nothing to fix, many parents do not believe me. They tell me they will take their teen to someone who will fix them. It is true that at times during adolescence or young adulthood, college age, that some people may have doubts about their sexuality and may even experiment. Just because some teens do question doesn't mean every teenager questions.

Think back to when you were a teenager, sexual feelings were very confusing. Therefore, some teens do question. However, I also have seen many teens who are not questioning. I have worked with many teens who know their sexuality for sure. They are not questioning and many of these teens tell me they have known their sexuality since they were little children.

When parents are still brining teens in for me to fix them and they are still being harassed and bullied at school, I do not think we have made a lot of progress. Yes some progress has been made, but we still need to make more progress. One example that indicates we still need to make progress is suicide.

The suicide rate for teenagers in general has increased from the third leading cause of death to the second leading cause of death. However, the rate is much different for homosexual or transgender teenagers. It is estimated that the suicide rate for teens who identify as homosexual, transgender, transsexual or questioning is five times the rate of the "average" teenager The Trevor Project. Think about this, for the general population of teens suicide is the second leading cause of death and those who identify as LGBT are five times more likely than the average teen to commit suicide.

This means there are millions of teens killing themselves due to their sexual feelings and stereotypes that are outdated. Also the five times is an estimate. Many teens who attempt or commit suicide may have told no one about their sexual feelings. Also sexuality is not part of an autopsy. Therefore, the number is probably higher. Another fact which indicates we still have work to do is that teenagers who identify as homosexual or transgender have few places to go to for help.

Many are afraid to seek therapy from a private therapist because they are afraid the therapist will tell their parents. Legally a psychotherapist cannot tell parents if their teen is questioning their sexuality, but many teens are not willing to take that chance. There are very few non-profit groups dedicated to the topic because stereotypes still exist.

I practice in the East Bay Area of San Francisco and I only know of one non-profit, the Rainbow Center, which provides services to teenagers who are questioning their sexuality. Fifty years later teenagers should not have to be dealing with these stereotypes at home and at school and there should be support services available. We need to eliminate the stigma associated with sexuality and mental health, we need to educate parents and schools about teenagers sexuality and we need more mental health services for teens.

As psychotherapist we need to do a better job of educating the public that if a teenager tells us they are homosexual or transsexual or transgender, we cannot break confidentiality. Meaning we can tell no one not even there parents. We also need to educate parents this is not a disease that we cure. Sexuality is a normal part of being a human being and there are various forms of sexuality and they are all normal. Again, think about those suicide rates and how many teens we lose every year because of a stereotype.

This is ridiculous!! Michael Rubino is a psychotherapist with over twenty years experience treating children and teenagers. For more information about his work or private practice visit his website at www.

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Make room, world! When it comes to your body, the decision on how you want your gender to appear to the rest of the world should be yours. We care about your emotional and mental well-being as well as your physical safety. This can go both ways. Author Michelle Smith. Caution, though: some females do go through a lesbian-ish phase early on.

Teens questioning sexuality

Teens questioning sexuality

Teens questioning sexuality

Teens questioning sexuality

Teens questioning sexuality. Site Search Navigation

Stop viewing sexual orientation as a choice and if a person is queer, as a bad one. Most homophobic religious beliefs are based on interpretations of texts, not on the core of a religion.

Think about which aspects of being queer make you uncomfortable, then examine those. Is your hostility based on negative stereotypes? Do your homework, and you will often be surprised by how off base some commonly held views are! Get support. Try to help your child stay safe sexually by allowing them to come to you with questions. Make it possible for them to use contraception and practice safer sex.

Set them up with medical appointments. And, yes, even allow them to have sexual privacy with a partner at home. Teen sex alone is not dangerous, but the conditions under which many teens have it , sure can be! For some people sexual orientation is clear from the start. For a lot of others, not so much. But while many young folks question their sexual orientations, many of parents are uncomfortable with this process.

So it is important to understand that questioning is a common and normal part of adolescence. Not even worth mentioning, right? Yet when it comes questions about sexual orientation or changes in how we experience it, reactions tend to be a lot less muted.

Now obviously, our sexual orientations are a lot more complicated that our tastes in dessert. But if we allowed just a bit of the leeway to our kids when they question this aspect of their identity that we give to them in so many other parts of their lives, their experiences of figuring out who they are in this world would likely be a whole lot smoother.

Currently, Ellen runs a middle and high school health education program and teaches human sexuality at Brooklyn College. So here are a few things that parents should know.

What Does It Mean to Question? Dylan Selterman explains at the Science of Relationships, The degree to which a person is sexually fluid is a separate variable that operates alongside sexual orientation.

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Cross-post Our Articles. Book a Speaker. I wanted to know if the reason I wasn't getting wet for the "hot" boys in school was because I was a late bloomer or because a lesbian. But what I've learned the hard way is, rather than seeking outside help, turn your curious mind back to yourself and ask yourself these five questions:. Now, this might seem blunt and crass for the first question, but, curious kittens, please hear me out.

This is a very important question to ask yourself. It's one thing to fantasize about kissing the pillowy lips of another girl, and it's another thing to imagine eating her out. If it repulses you, you might just be attracted to the beauty of the same sex, but not necessarily want to have SEX with them, you know?

When I was first exploring my sexuality, the idea of going on a date with another woman seemed massively terrifying. It also seemed strange. Like, I wanted to know who the hell opens the door for who. However, just because it was hard for me to imagine going on a date with another woman, didn't mean I was straight. In fact, if it scares you, I think it's probably worth looking at a little more closely.

I'm all about looking big, scary fears dead in the eye. When we're attracted to someone, of course we're a little fear-stricken at the thought of an intimate date with them. Because really, what's more terrifying than sexual attraction? But also, it could just mean you're totally attracted to the same sex, and the idea is so comfortable to you, it's just not really a big thing.

Either way, it's a question worth exploring, sisters and brothers and everyone in between! Sometimes, when we admire the same sex, it's so fucking intense, it's almost sexual. Friend crushes totally debilitate me, and my admiration for another woman can feel so powerful, it's almost animalistic. Ask yourself if the butterflies you feel in your stomach whenever she's around are rooted in attraction or admiration.

Do you think about her when you're sexually fantasizing? Or do you dreamily think about the way she parts her hair and how smooth and velvety the texture of her voice is? Being obsessed with someone's style is very different than being obsessed with someone's sexuality. You're too pretty to be gay," my friend said to me when I told her I liked girls at You have long hair and like glitter.

If my close friend said there was no way I was gay because I didn't look like the lesbians on TV were there even lesbians on TV? I surely couldn't be gay.

If You Are a Teen Questioning Your Sexuality

As people pass from childhood into their teen years and beyond, their bodies develop and change. So do their emotions and feelings. It's common to wonder and sometimes worry about new sexual feelings. It takes time for many people to understand who they are and who they're becoming. Part of that involves better understanding of their own sexual feelings and who they are attracted to.

Sexual orientation is the emotional, romantic, or sexual attraction that a person feels toward another person. There are several types of sexual orientation; for example:.

During the teen years, people often find themselves having sexual thoughts and attractions. For some, these feelings and thoughts can be intense and seem confusing. That can be especially true for people who have romantic or sexual thoughts about someone who is the same sex they are. Being interested in someone of the same sex does not necessarily mean that a person is gay — just as being interested in someone of the opposite sex doesn't mean a person is straight.

It's common for teens to be attracted to or have sexual thoughts about people of the same sex and the opposite sex. It's one way of sorting through emerging sexual feelings. Some people might go beyond just thinking about it and experiment with sexual experiences with people of their own sex or of the opposite sex.

These experiences, by themselves, do not necessarily mean that a person is gay or straight. This abbreviation stands for "lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender" or "lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and questioning". Transgender isn't really a sexual orientation — it's a gender identity. Gender is another word for male or female. Transgender people may have the body of one gender, but feel that they are the opposite gender, like they were born into the wrong type of body.

People who are transgender are often grouped in with lesbian and gay as a way to include people who don't feel they fit into the category of being "straight. Why are some people straight and some people gay? There is no simple answer to that. Most medical experts, including those at the American Academy of Pediatrics AAP and the American Psychological Association APA , believe that sexual orientation involves a complex mix of biology, psychology, and environmental factors.

Scientists also believe a person's genes and hormones play an important role. Most medical experts believe that, in general, sexual orientation is not something that a person voluntarily chooses. Instead, sexual orientation is just a natural part of who a person is. There's nothing wrong about being LGBT. Still, not everyone believes that. These kinds of beliefs can make things difficult for LGBT teens.

For many LGBT people, it can feel like everyone is expected to be straight. Because of this, some gay and lesbian teens may feel different from their friends when the heterosexual people around them start talking about romantic feelings, dating, and sex. LGBT teens might feel like they have to pretend to feel things that they don't in order to fit in with their group, family, or community.

They might feel they need to deny who they are or that they have to hide an important part of themselves. Fears of prejudice, rejection, or bullying can lead people who aren't straight to keep their sexual orientation secret, even from friends and family who might support them.

Some gay or lesbian teens tell a few close friends and family members about their sexual orientation. This is often called " coming out. They feel comfortable about being attracted to someone of the same gender. But not everyone has the same good support systems. Even though there is growing acceptance for LGBT people, many teens don't have adults they can talk to about sexual orientation.

Some live in communities or families where being gay is not accepted or respected. People who feel they need to hide who they are or who fear discrimination or violence can be at greater risk for emotional problems like anxiety and depression. Some LGBT teens without support systems can be at higher risk for dropping out of school, living on the streets, using alcohol and drugs, and trying to harm themselves.

Everyone has times when they worry about things like school, college, sports, or friends and fitting in. In addition to these common worries, LGBT teens have an extra layer of things to think about, like whether they have to hide who they are. This doesn't happen to all gay teens, of course.

Many gay and lesbian teens and their families have no more difficulties than anyone else. For people of all sexual orientations, learning about sex and relationships can be difficult. It can help to talk to someone about the confusing feelings that go with growing up — whether that someone is a parent or other family member, a close friend or sibling, or a school counselor.

It's not always easy to find somebody to talk to. But many people find that confiding in someone they trust even if they're not completely sure how that person will react turns out to be a positive experience. In many communities, youth groups can provide opportunities for LGBT teens to talk to others who are facing similar issues.

Psychologists, psychiatrists, family doctors, and trained counselors can help them cope — confidentially and privately — with the difficult feelings that go with their developing sexuality.

They also help people find ways to deal with any peer pressure, harassment, and bullying they might face. Whether gay, straight, bisexual, or just not sure, almost everyone has questions about physically maturing and about sexual health — like if certain body changes are "normal," what's the right way to behave, or how to avoid sexually transmitted infections STIs.

It's important to find a doctor, nurse, counselor, or other knowledgeable adult to be able to discuss these issues with. In the United States, and throughout much of the world, attitudes about sexual orientation have been changing. Although not everyone is comfortable with the idea of sexual orientation differences and there's still plenty of prejudice around, being gay is getting to be less of a "big deal" than it used to be.

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Teens questioning sexuality