That is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose and in the right way — that is not easy. It is always the result of high intention, sincere effort, and intelligent execution; it represents the wise choice of many alternatives — choice, not chance, determines your destiny. We do not act rightly because we have virtue or excellence, but rather we have those because we have acted rightly. We are what we repeatedly do.
If we follow the developmental models of friendship suggested by many social psychologists then there is also a case for the cultivation of friendship by educators as an important dynamic in the fostering of adulthood. Join my free newsletter Click Here. We also tend to feel safe with familiar people, as it is likely we know what to expect from them. Kindness is the golden chain by which society is bound together. They can be useful to one another. In this we love the other person for their own sake not just for what they are or what they Friendship education loving man offer, and we put the interests of the other before our own. In a culture dominated by expressive and utilitarian individualism, it is easy for us to understand the components of pleasure and usefulness, but we have difficulty seeing the point of considering friendship in terms of common moral commitments. There is some empirical evidence that people who are able, and have the Friendship education loving man, to develop significant The history of masturbation are happier.
Vagina foramen anterior. Goethe Quotes on Love, Education and Friendship
Are you happy with the way this person treats you? Seventy years ago or so Basil Henriques argued that the head of a boys club had two outstanding features. Indeed friendship is the most beautiful and important thing in this world! Settlementstoo, were explicitly constructed Friendship education loving man a notion of friendship and the idea that all should share in community. However, do we become friends in the interpersonal sense? They will always be honest and stand by your side no matter what. We are friends educating each other. He educates from himself, from his virtues and faults, through personal example Friendship education loving man according to circumstances and conditions. First, we can make a case for facilitating learning around friendship at what might be called an individual or personal level. Friendly societies had, of course, been in existence for centuries — but they were first regulated by Act of Parliament in Aristotle provides us with one of the great discussions of friendship. The person you love should also be a good best Oscar gossip to you! Boldness has genius, power and magic in it!
Friendship and love, and more broadly, the relationships that people cultivate in their lives, are some of the most valuable treasures a person can own.
- But how can you be sure that what you are feeling is not actually romantic love?
- When approaching the notion of friendship, our first problem is, as Graham Allan 85 has commented, that there is a lack of firmly agreed and socially acknowledged criteria for what makes a person a friend.
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- Seventy years ago or so Basil Henriques argued that the head of a boys club had two outstanding features.
- Is it their ability to laugh with you and sometimes at you for hours on end?
That is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose and in the right way — that is not easy.
It is always the result of high intention, sincere effort, and intelligent execution; it represents the wise choice of many alternatives — choice, not chance, determines your destiny. We do not act rightly because we have virtue or excellence, but rather we have those because we have acted rightly.
We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then is not an act but a habit. Did You Like This Post? Every week I send out a free weekly email newsletter with updates on articles and other things I'm working on for more than 30, readers. Simply enter your email below to get them delivered right to your inbox. You can opt out at any time.
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There is freedom and reciprocity within the forms of friendship discussed by Bellah et. Kindness is the golden chain by which society is bound together. However, do we become friends in the interpersonal sense? Later he was to write:. However, it can be argued that to be a friend to a group involves a rather different relationship to being a friend to an individual. From self-improvement to adult education in America, , Stanford CA. Allan, G.
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Before leaving our discussion of the educative nature of friendship it is worth considering how we learn to be a friend. While there are various things that it might be helpful to know about friendship, it is only through experiencing friendship that we can begin to properly understand, appreciate and practice being a friend.
Learning how or improving an ability is not like learning that or acquiring information. Truths can be imparted, procedures can only be inculcated, and while inculcation is a gradual process, imparting is relatively sudden.
It makes sense to ask at what moment someone became apprised of a truth, but not to ask at what moment someone acquired a skill. Ryle There are a number of practical questions for educators in this discussion of friendship. There is a strong case for the fostering of the capacity for friendship as an aim of education. As a result there are some important implications for the way in which we look to organize educational encounters — and we will examine some of these later. In addition, as we have seen, there are some profound issues around the way we might see ourselves.
Perhaps the most significant of these is the extent to which we might understand our relationship with learners as friendship. It is vital to address this question — for just who we are is of fundamental importance. As Martin Buber has argued, education proceeds from the person of the educator:.
Everything depends on the teacher as a man, as a person. He educates from himself, from his virtues and faults, through personal example and according to circumstances and conditions.
His task is realize the truth in his personality and to convey this realization to the pupil. Martin Buber reported in Hodes However, do we become friends in the interpersonal sense? If we return to Aristotle it fairly obvious that the relationship between educators and learners can have utility.
They can be useful to one another. Both can learn from the encounter — and there may be both benefits and a sense of fulfilment and worth from the relationship. Both educators and learners may share a common commitment to the good. This was and is, perhaps, more obviously recognized where they have a shared identity with and commitment to, a social movement, institution or set of beliefs.
Examples here might include educational encounters within churches and clubs. In these circumstances educators may well talk about their relationships with learners in terms of friendship.
As such they have a commitment to each other, and are part of what Josephine Macalister Brew once described as a community in the process of educating itself. It is within this sort of framework that earlier generations of informal educators, adult educators and youth workers could talk about offering friendship to the members of the groups they were working with.
If we are not in youth work because of our love of our fellow men we have no business there at all. This burning love of humanity always meets with response, though not always in the ways we most care for, but nowadays as much youth work is ruined by too much restraint as by too much exuberance. Fear to exert undue influence, fear to assert authority when necessary, conscientious scruples about this and that — are all contributory factors.
But young people want to know where they are and they need the friendship of those who have confidence and faith. Brew Words like boundary, client, delivery, intervention and outcome replace the language of friendship, member, association, relationship and faith. As a result it is acceptable that practitioners are friendly, but not that they are friends with those with whom they work. It can be seen as a move from a concern with practical wisdom and desire to act truly and rightly what Aristotle talks about as phronesis to a focus on on what is correct according to bureaucratic rules and technique techne.
So can educators be friends with those with whom they work? Here it is useful to bear in mind that this can entail both a broader friendship with a group and specific friendship with an individual. The former may be more acceptable within professionalized discourses. Being a friend to a group — because of its more diffuse nature might escape some of the force of the one of the charges most often made against educators being friends with learners — that friendship can lead to favouritism.
Of course there the worker may favour working with one group rather than another — and this could cause some resentment.
However, it can be argued that to be a friend to a group involves a rather different relationship to being a friend to an individual. It entails making a commitment to a collectivity and attending to the functioning of a network of relationships so that the group may be of benefit to its members. The charge of favouritism can also be answered with regard to friendship with both individuals and groups when we consider the nature of friendship. If, however, a proper consideration of the moral dimension of friendship is taken into consideration, then such favouritism as exists needs to be justified.
Some judgement has to be made as to whether the attention, concern and resources made available to one individual or group over others is the action of a good man or woman. Does it reflect a concern to live life well and to foster human flourishing? In those settings where there is a more overt concern with such questions, for example within some religious, mutual aid and political groupings, then there would seem to be a stronger chance of the actions of educators being interrogated in this way.
A further charge often raised with regard to the friendships of educators with learners is that it can be a reflection of educators attending to their needs for example, to be liked and appreciated above those of learners.
Many educators may well be placing undue weight on meeting their needs above those of learners. However, this may have nothing to do with friendship but simply flow from a concern to get the job done so that they can get their pay and go and do something else.
It may be that the educators concerned are unaware of the nature of their actions — they may have only a limited grasp of their motivations and orientations. This brings back, again, to the importance of knowing your self.
If educators place undue weight on their own needs they no longer deserve to be called educators in relation to others for they are failing to engage in the proper spirit.
A similar argument can be made for friends. At one level it does seem odd to describe someone whose company gives you little pleasure as a friend — but we do have to take care on three counts.
First, there is the familiar injunction that friendship is also concerned with utility and a shared commitment to the good. Of course these may also not be present in the relationship — in which case the notion of friendship with the individual is a non-starter.
Equally, the possibility of being accepted as a worker or educator by this person is somewhat distant. We may not be open to the person of the other either through placing interpretations upon their behaviour that are drawn from elsewhere and are not merited by their actions or orientation; or because we have not attended to what is good about them. Last, we need to bear in mind the more general concern to be a friend to learners and to the truth.
In this sense, educators offer a kind of friendship to all they come in contact with through their work. They invite them to explore and to join in an endeavour to deepen understanding and to allow wisdom to flourish.
The last, commonly-heard, objection to the idea that educators can be friends with learners is that as many are paid is odd to describe them as friends. This objection is answered quickly. The informal and personal relationships involved have some element of choice although this may be limited by circumstance. Payment can be involved in this. For example, we may employ someone direct as a teacher e. There can come a point where payment is really a side issue — it is the shared pursuit of the good that matters.
It might also be argued that these educators are only friends while they are paid to do a job with a group or individual. This is no different to what happens in many other friendships. As Allan has pointed out, friendships are deeply situational, and can quickly fade as the situation alters.
From this discussion it can be seen that educators can be friends with learners given an appropriate framework and a full appreciation of of the nature of friendship. All of this has implications for the sorts of educational environments that educators seek to foster, and the contexts in which they work. Perhaps the key consideration is the frame of reference of the educator and the way in which this is understood by others.
Older generations of informal educators within youth work and adult education could often work secure in the knowledge that they were part of a wider social movement, that they experienced some sort of calling to the work, and that it was right to appeal to ideas of virtue, character and service. It was in this spirit that Basil Henriques could talk of being a friend and servant of the young people in his club, or that Josephine Macalister Brew could speak of a burning love of humanity that always meets with a response.
Friends become clients, relationship becomes boundary and so on. The moral element has, to a significant extent, been stripped out and replaced by procedure. Education, if it is to merit the name, has to encourage people to gain a critical understanding of things, and the virtues that are needed to guide us to individual and common goods MacIntyre 2.
It is an activity of the heart as well as the mind. Friendship can be a part of education. It may flow from the encounters between participants, it may be the focus for learning, and it may be part of what is offered by educators. However, to talk seriously of friendship within many of the current contexts within which informal educators have to operate, is to come to up against the impact of professionalization and the other forces that worked to limit our appreciations of the relationship.
Allan, G. A good introduction to the area. Blum, L. Haber ed. Doing and Being. Selected readings in moral philosophy , New York: Macmillan. Pahl, R. An excellent introduction of to the idea of friendships and of contemporary experience with some useful suggestions about further reading and exploration. Adams, R. Barnett, S. Barnett and H. Barnett Practicable Socialism 2e, London:. Reason ed. University and Social Settlements , London: Methuen. Bell, S. Bell and S. Coleman eds.
The Anthropology of Friendship , London: Berg. Bellah, R. Beveridge, W. A report on methods of social advance , London: George Allen and Unwin. Brew, J. Macalister In The Service of Youth. A practical manual of work among adolescents , London: Faber. Burkowski, W. Cicero, M. On Friendship Translated by E. Shuckburgh, About. Doyle, M.
Richardson and M. Wolfe eds. Principles and Practices of Informal Education. Learning through life , London: RoutledgeFalmer. Hauerwas, S. Theological conversations with ancient and modern ethics , Notre Dame, Ind. Heller, A. Murphy ed. Kett, J. From self-improvement to adult education in America, , Stanford CA.
Encourage you. Need you. Deserve you. Stand by you. Love risks degenerating into obsession, friendship is never anything but sharing. But only lucky ones have the same friend in all stages of life. Dysfunctional patterns set in; external situations cause internal friction; you grow apart and then bounce back together.
It must be left to itself. We cannot force it any more than love. In business, though, you have to think rationally. Can you enjoy those moments of life that are utterly simple? It does not depend on darkness and ignorance.
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Friends matter. The best professional relationships feel like friendships. Aside from your significant other -- who is likely to also be your best friend -- your most important relationships are your friends. Don't walk away, don't be distracted, don't be too busy or tired, don't take them for granted.
Friends are part of the glue that holds life and faith together. Powerful stuff. Scott "Love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy into a friend. You too? I thought I was the only one. Lewis "Friendship consists in forgetting what one gives and remembering what one receives. He may not seem such a good friend after telling.
Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend. It's not something you learn in school. But if you haven't learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven't learned anything. There is a time for silence. A time to let go and allow people to hurl themselves into their own destiny. And a time to prepare to pick up the pieces when it's all over. That magnet is unselfishness, thinking of others first; when you learn to live for others, they will live for you.
Lewis "The friend who holds your hand and says the wrong thing is made of dearer stuff than the one who stays away. Like the mellow rays of the departing sun, it falls tenderly, yet sadly, on the heart. Depends how loud you shut it. How many slices in a bread? Depends how thin you cut it. How much good inside a day? Depends how good you live 'em.
How much love inside a friend? Depends how much you give 'em. I'm glad for that. As in filling a vessel drop by drop, there is at last a drop which makes it run over; so in a series of kindnesses there is at last one which makes the heart run over.
Friends are all we have to get us through this life-and they are the only things from this world that we could hope to see in the next. Friends don't. Peter "Every friendship travels at sometime through the black valley of despair.
This tests every aspect of your affection. You lose the attraction and the magic. Your sense of each other darkens and your presence is sore. If you can come through this time, it can purify with your love, and falsity and need will fall away. It will bring you onto new ground where affection can grow again. Can you enjoy those moments of life that are utterly simple? Like this column? Sign up to subscribe to email alerts and you'll never miss a post. The opinions expressed here by Inc.
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